I am excited about 2008.

Me: My Pupil master is really nice. At the lunch he was hosting, he kept asking 'are you full,' / 'please try some of this."

Friend: My pupil master asks me are you a fool / please try to work harder.

Friend: "Are you still using the Macbook or are you using the other thing.. what's it called? Win-doors or something?"

Back at the firm:

Me: I'm going to the printers on the Hari Raya Public Holiday.

Friend: Oh? Are you in charge of Christmas cards now?

Conversation excerpt, courtesy of T:

Pupil Master: The people in [the Financial Services Department] are invincible.

Pupil: Huh why?

Pupil Master: They can’t be killed.

Pupil: huh?

Pupil Master: you cannot kill that which has no life.

"...Lawyers get struck off the roll. Judges don't get struck off. The correct verb is 'flicked.' He got 'flicked off the bench.'

And for Rajah lawyers, cos [the Firm is] so collegiate the word is 'PUNK'D..."

- Anonymous.

I was reading some Law website and they had this recruitment banner: "SECOND TIER FIRM hiring..."

The day before the Commercial Practice Paper.

Friend: How's revision? I just came back from a wake. I'm so dead.

My friend sent an email to his pupil master at the firm just to say hi.

The reply was: ... It's a busy time at the firm but there are good things to look forward to in life, like the festive season, and the return of the pupils.

Civ Pro notes are damn long. So I tried to do a contents page to make referring easier in the exam hall. But now I need to do a contents page to the contents page because the latter is 40 pages long. WTF.

Inane phone conversation.

Friend: Hi! How's the going?

Me: Still studying [for the bar commencing MONDAY].

Friend: I just bought a new phone with CRYSTAL TALK!!! So I'm calling you to test it out.

Me: Yes, you sound very clear.

Friend: Ok, now I'm going to switch on the radio, and you listen out and tell me if you can hear me over the radio.

*Friend blasts radio into the phone and resumes talking.

Me: wow you sound like a radio DJ !

It's shocking. The Straits Times reported that the MDA video (see last post) is popular because of the number of hits it had, though of course, it probably received lots of hits because it is so bad. Do check out the terrible AND ungrammatical lyrics. E.g.

"These are the strength for the new challenge..."

Ridiculously bad media by the Media Development Authority of Singapore. See it for yourself here.

Excerpt from a tragic farewell email:

"This is not goodbye from me but a great big thank you to those of you who has made my time at [the Firm] such a personally satisfying experience."

"PSLE CHEATING CASE" - screams the New Paper.

For foreign readers, PSLE is an acronym for Primary School Leaving Examination, which is the first national exam all Singaporean students take.

Turns out some school teacher corrected his students' answers after they submitted their PSLE scripts, but before they were locked up and sent for centralised marking.

In different ink.

And with no attempt at harmonizing handwriting.

Cheating is bad. But this is worse. It's bad and STUPID.

See right, I'm on marathon mugging mode for the bar exams and I get this SMS from Bongs, who is in the Maldives:

"...Howz the mugging? Am in a sunset bar on the reef on an island having a strawberry juice!"

Friend: Having muggers which are too long to flip and find stuff in the exam is the least of my worries.

Me: Yes. Some people don't even have muggers.

Friend: How can people be so unresourceful after 4 years of law school?

A friend has brought to my attention that the blog which features the unfortunate excerpt (see previous post) gets more tragic. Like this:

"Ytd I went to cut hair. And dye. In a salon. Named SuperCuts. Which also cutted my heart because of the money involved..."

People actually write like that:

"Oh me goosh. No wonder my desktop has been so lag. There’s a trojan horse galloping around leaving all the horse dung which clogs my processor."

PLC wasn't meant to be like this. People are online at 5 am. Mugging. Or playing scrabble on facebook.

Me: X moved from reits to ECM.

Friend (who is in CORPORATE REAL ESTATE): Oh reits?

Moments later...

Same friend: What's reits?

Singaporeans are giving fellow Singaporeans a bad name. Randomly surfing some overseas forums, I came across this:

Hi
i am from singpore, i am coming Hong Kong on 2nd jan 2008, i wants room ment share neaer to Shai won m contact me

One man firm launches magnificent website. Ultra-detailed bio, irrelevant pictures (including one of him posing with his BMW) blah blah. View it here.

I was hired to teach GP to a student whose exam is in 10 days.

Me: How did you do for Prelims?

Student: Very good.

Me: Oh. A2?

Student: No. I got 48.

Me: How is that good?

Student: Good enough to sign on police.

Me: Policemen also need to write reports. So you still need good English!

[after going through his work]

Me: And I don't think you'll be able to fire guns well as a policeman if your writing is anything to go by. Everything off target.

A good break from the monotony of work on a Monday morning: Read this.

And check out the slideshow too!

Friend: Hey, I know you're always very resourceful so here goes: you got any useful precedents for com prac assignment?

If I just WRITE my Memorandum of Understanding, it's going to be pulling clauses out of my ass again. And we all know how well that goes.

I would like to invite everyone to join the Lord Denning (M.R.) Appreciation Society Group on Facebook. It's priceless stuff.

The following comments were posted on the group page:

1. "He did not have the nice Swiss cakes which he was hoping for. The only cakes for tea were potato crisps and little dry nut cakes." Jarvis v. Swans Tours Ltd. [1973] Q.B. 233 (C.A.)"

2. Oh, what the hey, one for the road...

"Broadchalke is one of the most pleasing villages in England. Old Herbert Bundy, the defendant, was a farmer there. His home was at Yew Tree Farm. It went back for 300 years. His family had been there for generations. It was his only asset. But he did a very foolish thing. He mortgaged it to the bank."
- Lloyds Bank v. Bundy [1973] 3 All ER 757

3. [Denning] gave a dinner speech at an Australian law school. Just as he was about to begin someone threw a dinner roll across the hall. And his opening line was: "Ah, a fitting welcome for the Master of the Rolls."

4. My contract exam is in an hour. Can anyone tell me what is estoppel?

5. Favourite quote: "In summertime village cricket is the delight of everyone. Nearly every village has its own cricket field where the young men play and the old men watch. In the village of Lintz in County Durham they have their own ground, where they have played these last 70 years. They tend it well. The wicket area is well rolled and mown. The outfield is kept short . . . [y]et now after these 70 years a judge of the High Court has ordered that they must not play there anymore . . . [h]e has done it at the instance of a newcomer who is no lover of cricket.
This newcomer has built . . . a house on the edge of the cricket ground which four years ago was a field where cattle grazed. The animals did not mind the cricket."

6. If everyone wrote like Denning I'd still be a lawyer...Jarvis v Swans Tours forever.

Some random acquaintance asked me about the graduate law degree program at NUS.

A: Would I benefit from the ministry of education tuition subsidy since this would be my second degree?

Me: I'm not sure, I can check.

A: Please do.

Me, 10 minutes later: Ok I've checked, yes you will. The subsidy is available for law as a second degree, since it falls under a special exception to the general rule that the subsidy is only available to Singaporeans pursuing their first degree.

A: Oh ok, that's what I read on the website lalala.

Me: If that's what you read, why the hell did you ask me?

A: Can you tell me how's law school work like?

Me: It involves reading materials, and using common sense to make sense of them. You should consider very carefully before applying.

I have a very earnest conveyancing tutor whom my friend calls "kindergarten-like" in the sense of " Oh look! A bird! HAPPY!"

I think she has very good comic timing.

Yesterday, she asked us very earnestly:

"So, which of you are going to open your own law firm?"

And without missing a beat:

"and which of you are going to open a chocolate shop?"

Then she laughed insanely.

There have been three official amendments to the commercial practice assignment question.

The third (and most recent) amendment was "please note that para 5 should read BOTH MEMORANDUMS and not memorandum."

* * *

May I pre-empt the fourth change: It should be both fucking memoranda and not memorandums.

Me: Hey what's this pre trial thing for the practical law course we are supposed to do?

Senior: Oh it's nothing. Just ensure you have a pre-pretrial discussion with the opposing counsel. You will be ok.

Received this in the mail today:

Dear Students

Please note the following changes:

COMMERCIAL PRACTICE CASE-STUDY

On Page 3, Part B, “The principle agreements that has to be
drafted.” should read “The principle agreements that have to be
drafted.”

and

“Discuss the various points at which announcements has to be
issued by Company A to SGX.” should read “Discuss the various
points at which announcements have to be issued by Company
A to SGX.”

* * *

Unfortunately there are so many more grammatical errors that the board has yet to identify. (*^%!

Discussing careers...

Friend: Maybe I want to quit law and be a facilitator in a polytechnic! Teach 2 days a week, earn $3,500 a month!

Me: Then why on earth did you get a law degree to begin with! You could have gotten some 3 year easy qualification.

Friend: I want something slack. Don't need to use brains. Maybe an art teacher!

Me: You still need to use your brains and be creative.

Friend: There are only so many ways to draw a tree.

Having run out of blogs to read, I decided to read law firm websites. They are quite puzzling.

Take for example law firm X, which actually puts up profiles of everyone from the Managing partner to paralegals.

Paralegal Y's profile was:

Y’s main areas of experience are in commercial and property transactions, commercial litigation and workplace relations. Y has extensive experience in the property sales and purchases ... Y enjoys spending time with his family, team sports and eating (including durian).

* * *

Eating (including durian) ?!?!

* * *

Paralegal Z's profile was:

Prior to joining [the firm], Z was working as an in-house counsel in a listed company in Singapore. He has also worked in the civil service, a foreign bank as well as non-governmental organizations handling consumers’ matters as well as manpower issues.

It has been a great time working in this firm since the day I joined. Although this is the first time that I am working in a law firm, the Directors and the Associates are always there to offer their support and guidance. The staff are also very helpful whenever I approach them.

All in all, it has been a very enjoyable and meaningful time for me working in this firm.

* * *

Yes, all that was on paralegal Z's 'profile,' unfortunately.

Friend: I'm going to sleep.

Me: So early? You sound unwell.

Friend: How can I be well when they pay us peanuts [during PLC]? I lack the vitamins of a caviar and premium sushi diet.

Me: Are we supposed to rely on common sense to do Professional Responsibility questions? Cos that's what I've been doing.

Senior: Technically yes, though in your case maybe you shouldn't rely on that.

Friend: I've allocated the tutorial questions already.

Me: Thanks, you've been doing a great job.

Friend: I was born to be a secretary.

The BBC was reporting on the Burmese protests.

Me: I didn't know they had so many monks in Burma.

Friend: When you don't have luxuries of life, why not embrace a lifestyle where you don't need luxuries of life, and yet can still attain Nirvana?

Practical law course lecture:

"Preparation of witnesses is a grey area. Some witnesses are so smart you don't need to prepare them. Some are so stupid there's no point preparing them."

In Civil Procedure class, we need to pretend to be lawyers, give ourselves a law firm name and run a simulated file.

Friend: Uh my opponent is from Truth and Justice LLC. Doesn't sound like it makes money.

Another "legal" MTV. Tort law back here.

Lord Atkins on Donoghue v Stevenson, MTV style. Totally worth checking out here. (Audio required)

Gotta love the part where he goes "Hundred billion legal fees thanks to Ginger Beer" and "I founded modern negligence! I founded modern negligence!"

Just got back from Bangkok. Seriously fun. Most memorable phrase:

" You want to buy friend? PAY NOW!"

Six years ago on Sept 12 . . .

I was lying on a very lousy bunk bed in the school of military intelligence, trying to memorise pictures of tanks while listening to a sony radio receiver to perfect 10 when the radio broadcast was interrupted with news of the terrorist attack.

Six years on, I'm still wasting my time, this time doing law tutorials. The radio is still filled with terrorist attack stuff.

Some things don't change.

In the mail

"Found $5 on the financial services floor. If you lost it, come claim it."

Family law tutorial, practical law course.

Tutor: Ok let's start with the hypothetical. Hmm it says woman from China. KEEP YOUR MINDS OPEN GUYS. *wink* Oh practical tip, wash your hands after dealing with them.

Soundbytes from the last edu dine:

Me: Why did u leave D*** ?

Lawyer: It was like Ginza Plaza.

* * *

Friend to Lawyer: How did the board of legal education get you to come and attend edu dine?

Lawyer: You know when you skip PLC classes, they record it down, and get you to come for this.

* * *

Friend: the dessert tastes like what would happen if stuff from the body shop was made into the dessert.

Lawyer: Really. I thought the dessert tasted more like those free soap at public toilets.

I'm really not amused with this thing called criminal procedure case management. What happens is this, they give you a fact pattern, some vague instructions along the lines of "do whatever you deem fit" and BINGO! next minute award you an F. And then they tell you what you should have done.

It doesn't help that my tutor is one of the rare few STILL AWARDING Fs, while others adopt a more friendly "since you know shit and were taught nothing the minimum grade we will give is a pass" policy.

It's been a while since I've had such a lazy afternoon. Brilliant weather, Travis on Itunes and all work obligations thrown to the wind. Reminds me of more carefree Scandinavian days.

Friend 1: Bata is NOT a Singapore company.

Me: I don't believe you.

Friend 1: Wiki it.

Me: Ok you win.

* * *

Me to Friend 2: Did you know Bata is not a Singapore establishment? It's Czech!

Friend 2: Yeah I know. But I don't know how it became so cheap skate.

We had this negotiation exercise yesterday. The other side wanted exclusive IP rights.

My negotiation partner: Yes, you can have exclusive IP rights. But they must be registered in China.

Me: Are we supposed to rely on common sense to answer Professional Responsibility questions? Cos that's what I've been doing.

Senior: Technically yes, though in your case maybe you shouldn't rely on that.

I don't know what to think of this.

X from Arriter (a tuition agency) called me up three times on Monday to offer the same tuition assignment, and to be rejected with the same reason "No, I'm too busy for any more tuition assignments."

The next day, Y from Arriter calls me up four times asking me to take up the same assignment. I said no I'm busy, please stop calling me.

Today X calls me up and we had this conversation:

X: "the last time you rejected an assignment bec it was far from your place, now this is near your place why are you not accepting?"
Me: "I've already told your agency many times, I'm busy and I can't take on any more assignments."
X: "What is your phone no?"
Me: "Are you stupid? It's the number you just reached me on."
X: "So are you accepting the assignment?"
Me: "Can you stop being a tuition terrorist?"

Overheard at the sub courts waiting area:

Do you know why X joined law firm A instead of RnT?

Because she's so big that she can't participate in group hugs at RnT.

My friend while driving: That *&^%$#^ MALAY DRIVER!

Me: That's a Chinese guy behind tinted windows.

This is how the guest speaker at edu dine was introduced:

"He started off his career at Drew and Napier, a mistake which we have all since forgiven him for."

* * *

On an unrelated note, I want to go to Japan and Yemen, in addition to Maldives for call break. Die.

I'm irked. Sorry if I chewed you up.

Practical Law Course Lecturer:

On family law:

"Sex is an administrative matter."

"you can get specially authorised to get married below 18 years of age. Usually one party is pregnant. Or it could be some other reason, like love or something."

I read with interest the Sunday Times Lifestyle article on this year's National Day theme song making no mention of Singapore.

Some people interviewed said it's only obvious it refers to Singapore.

I think the only obvious thing has not been picked up.

Stanza 4 of "There's No Place I'd Rather Be"

This is where my family
And my friends grew up with me
So I'll cross the skies and sail the seas
To be where I wanna be.

* * *

Is it just me or does this mean that the place I'd rather be is NOT Singapore?

A friend sent me this headhunter website which brands itself as one of the leading financial recruitment firms operating in Singapore.

"Our team is arguably THE most experienced of its type in Singapore."

On the position for head of compliance, private banking:

" You will be commercial in your approach and possess strong communication, presentation, presentation, influencing and relationship building skills."

On the position for AVP Finance manager:

"You have analytical, with an eye for detail and has good problem solving skills. You have strong interpersonal skills and dynamic team player. "

* * *

Me to friend: You must be mad if you are letting these people handle your career switch.

For those who missed the National Day Parade:

Commentator: And here comes SING! (some skater dressed in red). SING REPRESENTS SINGAPORE!

* * *

Moments later, SING falls down.

Lunch with an atas friend.

"Hong Lim is one of the few hawker centers with a good collection of authentic hawker food..."

"Yes, though I thought the chocolate fountain at The Line was quite authentic!"

Student: I fell sad.

Me: Incorrect. What should it be?

Student: I felling sad?

This year's NDP parade was like a very odd LIVE EARTH concert.

I was in a school office and was idly flipping the annual school magazine, when I saw this:

IT

We have
- one fully equipped PC lab
- one fully equipped macintosh lab
- two half equipped IT labs.

Friend: I'm going to sleep now.

Me: It's only 1230 am! U are in FSD. Sleep is for the weak!

Friend: hahaha
when you have a pupil he will suffer
"sleep is for the weak"
"and the fired."
"and the unretained"

Seen in the law gazette.

"Mr X (formerly of Compass LLC) has commenced practice as a sole Director of the law corporation, Pointer LLC on 28 May 2007..."

I met a friend's friend, who apparently is a banker.

She: Yesterday I is go X restaurant for dinner.

Me: I didn't catch which bank you are from. Is it local?

She: ya ya. Hope you dun mind lah. Work over no need proper English.

I went for the first of three compulsory dinners yesterday. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, it's EDU DINE, where trainee lawyers-to-be are supposed to rub shoulders with senior lawyers.

The opening speech by the managing partner of Duane Morris Asia was fantastic. The setting was fantastic also. The food however, was not.

Two blog worthy incidents:

Incident no 1:

Pupil at R n T shakes hand with partner of R n T at same table and asks "which firm are you from?"

Partner says: R n T! I thought you looked familiar.

Pupil: I can't believe I didn't recognise you!

Incident no 2:

R n T partner: And our firm gives out free Ministry of Sound passes.

Ang and partners partner: Our firm has Yakun Kaya Toast discount cards. 5 cents off each toast.

I woke up this morning to several missed calls, SMSes and MSN messages. Turns out there was a general, royal panic concerning this exercise called Criminal Case Procedure Management, where we were given a hypothetical situation and were told to prepare the relevant documents "as we thought fit" and hand them in.

I contemplated writing a letter to the effect that " Dear XXX, we regret to inform you that we will not be accepting instructions on this matter."

Alex suggested the following:

"Dear Mr. XXXX Thank you for employing our services. But as you know, I am in corporate, and we only serve listed CORPORATE persons with the capacity to pay our rates.

As for rape, your son did go to St. James Power Station, and that as far as I am concerned is the hangout of riffraff. By socialising with these afore-mentioned riffraff, I am afraid your son should submit to the consequences that follow.

This letter will cost you $6,420 (GST 7%) Please pay by cash or cheque made payable to XXXXXX."

The practical law course is regrettably not the most practical course around.

We have a ton of classes on plain language for lawyers, where they teach you to avoid using words like:

• implement - replace with carry out/ fulfil
• indicate - replace with show, tell, say.
• initiate - replace with begin

That's the equivalent of asking university graduates to peg their facility of the English language to primary 2 level.

Incidentally, the instruction manual says OMIT "herewith." And line 1 of the Plain English Drafting Exercise booklet reads " herewith are the papers for the above exercise."

Alex: and oh gawd, mediation tomorrow
mediation can suck my **#$*#@$*#@
i don't believe in compro fucking mise.

On a random friendster profile...

Me: CANNOT MAKE IT! Check this out "Me at Sakae JP taken by Dear. Do I look nice at Sakae restaurant?Cos I always took nice pic at Sakae"

Friend: Oh she sucks at drafting. She like copied and pasted a big chunk from "about me" to "who she wants to meet."
Very wrong to copy without paraphrasing.

Alex: "According to Kenneth, you've always been like that." "Yah, X has always been atas."

Me: "But I'm not! I'm just a regular, down to earth, guy next door!"

Alex: "X, you're a regular, down to earth guy-next-door. Next door to freaking One Raffles Quay."

Anonymous lawyer to me " You have to bother addressing clients by their real names in cross border work. You can't call them anything you want. Like there was this client called Knut, pronounced 'ca-noot'. It was bad enough that X was calling him nut. It was worse when Y insisted that he had mis-spelt his name in the email and then took it upon herself to be proactive and sent out a reply email addressing him as K-u-n-t. Can you imagine saying "That kunt sent us another email."

* * *

I laughed so hard when I heard that. I'll really miss the team when I go for the 5 month Practical Law Course at the courts.

I seriously don't mind juniors asking me stuff about pupillage and whatever. But I really do mind spending 20 minutes of my rest time explaining something, only to be asked the exact same thing by the same person one week later on the pretext that he / she had forgotten what I had said. A little courtesy never hurt anyone.

"We are the most well remunerated copy and pasters in the world."

My friend told his pupil master: I went through the document with a fine tooth comb.

Pupil master, pointing to double spacing on the document: Your fine tooth comb is missing a few teeth.

Someone at the office has a very bad dandruff problem. It's so bad when she leans over documents, it's like it's snowing. And I don't mean to gross people out on a Saturday morning, but said person's hair has a decaying smell to it too.

A friend at work suggested putting a newspaper cutting of dandruff treatments on her desk. I'm open to more suggestions, and will implement the best one.

Things you hear: "I thought he was making faces at me, it turned out it was just his face."

More Yo Momma jokes, from various contributors at work, including yours truly.

Yo Momma so slutty her fees were securitised!

Yo Momma so flat her assets were unsecuritisable!

Yo Momma so fat she clogged the floodgates of liability!

Yo Momma so cheap, she da powed the marks and spencer cookie crumbs!

* * *

And *gasp* I brought work home to do. Real drafting, with no precedent. For the record, this was given just before I left the office, so it's not due to Yo Mommaing at work.

A friend at work came up with some yo momma jokes:

- Yo Momma so fat, she needs to be registered under the LTA!

- Yo Momma so fat, she reversed the burden of proof!

- Yo Momma so fat, she ate equity's darling!

I got told off for laughing out loud in the office.

Extracted from a write up on one of the designers of some online shop : " ... he is known for his naive and spontaneous designs...."

Friend, who was also surfing same site, said: " people can make money from being naive? I also want."

We've aged.

1. The seats in cathay cinneleisure no longer fit us.

2. We talk about buying tags heuers.

3. We have gym memberships.

4. We end MSN conversations with " I need to go to the office now."

5. We begin real life conversations with "how's work?"

I met my army buddies for dinner. Had a great time! Loads of funny excerpts, but mostly private jokes, so won't share them. One day to the weekend!

My singlish friend: Alamak, you start work liao, otherwise can jio you watch zodiac.

Me: Oh I'm watching it this Sat.

My singlish friend: Got 3 blockbusters coming up.

Me: 3? I only know of Transformers and Fantastic Four.

My singlish friend: Got transformers, got fantastic four, got helicopter.

Me: Helicopter???

My singlish friend: Harry plotter lah.

First day of work came and went. I quite enjoyed myself. The team is friendly.

We trainees were asked to interpret a picture of a cat in a fish bowl and a fish outside it. And someone said " all I can see is the fish, and think, if you feed the fish too much work, it'll like, just DIE."

Had a good laugh on that one!

Friend, over msn: two lawyers left X firm to bake

Me: Oh but Baker is a good firm!

Friend: I meant BAKE, NOT BAKER!

Some parent stirred up quite a furore when he wrote to the Straits Times forum questioning why his daughter's A level grades of A B E and C (for general paper) failed to secure her a place in arts and social science in a local university, though the grades met the minimum university entry requirements. The parent wrote " My daughter is an above average student who excelled in sports ... my son, who is 27 years old, and had A level grades of A B C graduated with a Second Upper Class Honours degree in the Arts and Social Sciences at NUS." The entire article may be found here

Though I felt bad for the parent, what some people posted online in response to the article really cracked me up. I have reproduced some funny ones below. By reproducing these online responses, I don't agree with a lot of the irrational things said, but I have merely copied them out here to show the multitude of hilarious (and often ridiculous) responses only Singaporeans are capable of writing. For foreign readers, singlish has been translated in brackets.

* * *

1. Must be because she born in dragon year, competition stiff.

2. please lah dun blame the goddamn dragon....one's own fate is the result of their action

3. I dun understand why he has to bring in his son to hao lian (show off) also anyway..

4. The reality is, land on Earth is limited, uni can only be this big, and can only accept a certain number of people. With or without dragon superstition, this will happen anyway.

5. [The parent] expects too much from his children. Someone go give him a tight slap... I bet if his daughter have an average guy as her bf she will 100% chase him away wan.

6. Uncle....your daughter's grades really suck. She either didnt put in the effort or she is naturally stupid but with a big ego like you. She being a Dragon baby should have realised long ago that competition is tough, not to mention Singapore's Education system is stringent.

Uncle... Your son honestly speaking ain't too bright either. With a second class honours in arts and social sciences, do you really think he'll get far in life? Ok maybe he's good in other things or charismatic, but with that kind of grades he can't go far.

Uncle... Sorry to burst your bubble, but your kids are dumb. Please wake up and get a reality check ok?

[and the two funniest ones]:

7. A B E above average meh? How about grades D E A D?

8. E??? LOL. WTF. Above what average. Sia suay (shoot yourself in the foot).

I went to the sub courts to do some admin for pupillage. The sub courts have two lifts. One was out of order. The other was so slow I thought I was in Malaysia.

I don't really know what possessed me to go to KL.

1. We took aerolines, supposedly the best bus there is to get to KL. It was pretty ok, if you could discount the fact that it was fly infested, and late.

2. We tried to be local, but entering every local public place was like having a stink bomb exploded in front of you.

3. We tried to be tourists, and Angsana Spa had a pretty good first impression, until their "come here to relax" policy went a bit too far and the lady giving me the massage was whispering instructions or whatever so softly, I really couldn't make out what she was trying to say. It went like this ( in decreasing volume): " Mr X (slightly audible) please (barely audible) ... (inaudible).

4. We got hassled too many times. Even the guy trying to sell us fake watches in the overrated petronas towers yawned when he approached us for the 549th time. I think we got offered taxi rides ( think TAXXXXIIII screamed in your face) about 978624 times.

5. KL experienced the hottest temperature in 10 years while we were there. To escape to an air conditioned place, which preferably didn't smell, we decided to go to the best museum. It had lots of glass cases, many of which contained the spectacularly exciting "exhibit temporarily unavailable" slip of paper. We really paid money just for the air con.

6. KL advertisements take advertising to your face. I think they must have a regulation or something that says, if walkway is only 2m in length, place an unmovable advertisement 1.8m in length across the walkway, at regular intervals. So we didn't walk on walkways much, but on the main road, where I saw enough out of control Protons that I don't ever want to see another one for the rest of my life.

7. Malaysia celebrates 50 years of independence, but they can't sell subway tickets for nuts. KLCC station:
Machine No 1 says, please pay 1.60 RM.
Machine No 1 refuses to accept cash of any kind.

Machine No 2 says, please pay 1.60 RM
We try to pay using a 10 RM note.
Machine No 2 says, please use smaller note.
We try to pay using a 1 RM note.
Machine No 2 accepts 1 RM note.
We try to put in another 1 RM note.
Machine No 2 does not allow another RM note.

Today feels like a milestone. The mandatory education cycle comes to an end. I've graduated, with grades that I'm totally happy with. I'm also glad for those who friends who did well, and for those who were disappointed, remember what the dean said about grades! - " Good grades, while helpful, are neither a necessary nor a sufficient measure of future success. "

See everyone at Raffles Place next week! Off to KL for the weekend.

"telepathy, telepathy, telepathy!!" screams a contestant on Deal or No Deal, the most ridiculous TV program ever.

NZ Maoris: Hey Singapore is really clean. It's not pretend clean like you have all these people holding cleaning equipment and standing around but the place still looks dirty.

And oh my gosh, are you travelling at 90 km/h! No pot holes!

There was this girl standing next to me in the MRT. She shouted this into her handphone: "arlow, can I shack with you...."

It was not until later that I realised she had wanted to say "hello can I check with you..."

Today I met two Maoris, - a mother and son travel team, doing a round the world backpacking trip lasting 10 years. I think my incredulous expression must have said it all, for they quickly added, 'do it once, do it good!'

Truth be told, I enjoy meeting people like that, for they are a pleasant reminder of all the FUN out there on the road less taken. Have a laugh, kick back, relax, get lost on an active volcano, watch amazing sunsets, get to know people from all over the world, as opposed to following the local crowd chasing after the same things, getting that local degree, getting that local job, getting that car, getting that other car, getting that house, getting that bigger house, meeting the backstabbers, suck ups and pretend friends in that long drawn out process.

I've resolved to inject a large dose of adventure into my life. So I'm going to take a two year break and go travelling. Don't be dumb, of course I'm not going to do that. I'm from Singapore. Nobody takes a long break to go travelling! I'll think of something. In the meantime, I offered to take the Maori's around Singapore.

The Malaysian horror flick "Don't Look Back" is dreadful. Dreadful boring scenes. Dreadful unscary ghosts. Dreadful unscary scare tactics. Dreadful absence of cinematics. Dreadful absence of acting.

Cf post of May 14th.

Today I was at fitness first again, and there was this crunching noise coming from behind a workout towel. It was the curry puff woman again, this time eating curry puffs while holding up a towel to hide the act.