Friend, over msn: two lawyers left X firm to bake

Me: Oh but Baker is a good firm!

Friend: I meant BAKE, NOT BAKER!

Some parent stirred up quite a furore when he wrote to the Straits Times forum questioning why his daughter's A level grades of A B E and C (for general paper) failed to secure her a place in arts and social science in a local university, though the grades met the minimum university entry requirements. The parent wrote " My daughter is an above average student who excelled in sports ... my son, who is 27 years old, and had A level grades of A B C graduated with a Second Upper Class Honours degree in the Arts and Social Sciences at NUS." The entire article may be found here

Though I felt bad for the parent, what some people posted online in response to the article really cracked me up. I have reproduced some funny ones below. By reproducing these online responses, I don't agree with a lot of the irrational things said, but I have merely copied them out here to show the multitude of hilarious (and often ridiculous) responses only Singaporeans are capable of writing. For foreign readers, singlish has been translated in brackets.

* * *

1. Must be because she born in dragon year, competition stiff.

2. please lah dun blame the goddamn dragon....one's own fate is the result of their action

3. I dun understand why he has to bring in his son to hao lian (show off) also anyway..

4. The reality is, land on Earth is limited, uni can only be this big, and can only accept a certain number of people. With or without dragon superstition, this will happen anyway.

5. [The parent] expects too much from his children. Someone go give him a tight slap... I bet if his daughter have an average guy as her bf she will 100% chase him away wan.

6. Uncle....your daughter's grades really suck. She either didnt put in the effort or she is naturally stupid but with a big ego like you. She being a Dragon baby should have realised long ago that competition is tough, not to mention Singapore's Education system is stringent.

Uncle... Your son honestly speaking ain't too bright either. With a second class honours in arts and social sciences, do you really think he'll get far in life? Ok maybe he's good in other things or charismatic, but with that kind of grades he can't go far.

Uncle... Sorry to burst your bubble, but your kids are dumb. Please wake up and get a reality check ok?

[and the two funniest ones]:

7. A B E above average meh? How about grades D E A D?

8. E??? LOL. WTF. Above what average. Sia suay (shoot yourself in the foot).

I went to the sub courts to do some admin for pupillage. The sub courts have two lifts. One was out of order. The other was so slow I thought I was in Malaysia.

I don't really know what possessed me to go to KL.

1. We took aerolines, supposedly the best bus there is to get to KL. It was pretty ok, if you could discount the fact that it was fly infested, and late.

2. We tried to be local, but entering every local public place was like having a stink bomb exploded in front of you.

3. We tried to be tourists, and Angsana Spa had a pretty good first impression, until their "come here to relax" policy went a bit too far and the lady giving me the massage was whispering instructions or whatever so softly, I really couldn't make out what she was trying to say. It went like this ( in decreasing volume): " Mr X (slightly audible) please (barely audible) ... (inaudible).

4. We got hassled too many times. Even the guy trying to sell us fake watches in the overrated petronas towers yawned when he approached us for the 549th time. I think we got offered taxi rides ( think TAXXXXIIII screamed in your face) about 978624 times.

5. KL experienced the hottest temperature in 10 years while we were there. To escape to an air conditioned place, which preferably didn't smell, we decided to go to the best museum. It had lots of glass cases, many of which contained the spectacularly exciting "exhibit temporarily unavailable" slip of paper. We really paid money just for the air con.

6. KL advertisements take advertising to your face. I think they must have a regulation or something that says, if walkway is only 2m in length, place an unmovable advertisement 1.8m in length across the walkway, at regular intervals. So we didn't walk on walkways much, but on the main road, where I saw enough out of control Protons that I don't ever want to see another one for the rest of my life.

7. Malaysia celebrates 50 years of independence, but they can't sell subway tickets for nuts. KLCC station:
Machine No 1 says, please pay 1.60 RM.
Machine No 1 refuses to accept cash of any kind.

Machine No 2 says, please pay 1.60 RM
We try to pay using a 10 RM note.
Machine No 2 says, please use smaller note.
We try to pay using a 1 RM note.
Machine No 2 accepts 1 RM note.
We try to put in another 1 RM note.
Machine No 2 does not allow another RM note.

Today feels like a milestone. The mandatory education cycle comes to an end. I've graduated, with grades that I'm totally happy with. I'm also glad for those who friends who did well, and for those who were disappointed, remember what the dean said about grades! - " Good grades, while helpful, are neither a necessary nor a sufficient measure of future success. "

See everyone at Raffles Place next week! Off to KL for the weekend.

"telepathy, telepathy, telepathy!!" screams a contestant on Deal or No Deal, the most ridiculous TV program ever.

NZ Maoris: Hey Singapore is really clean. It's not pretend clean like you have all these people holding cleaning equipment and standing around but the place still looks dirty.

And oh my gosh, are you travelling at 90 km/h! No pot holes!

There was this girl standing next to me in the MRT. She shouted this into her handphone: "arlow, can I shack with you...."

It was not until later that I realised she had wanted to say "hello can I check with you..."

Today I met two Maoris, - a mother and son travel team, doing a round the world backpacking trip lasting 10 years. I think my incredulous expression must have said it all, for they quickly added, 'do it once, do it good!'

Truth be told, I enjoy meeting people like that, for they are a pleasant reminder of all the FUN out there on the road less taken. Have a laugh, kick back, relax, get lost on an active volcano, watch amazing sunsets, get to know people from all over the world, as opposed to following the local crowd chasing after the same things, getting that local degree, getting that local job, getting that car, getting that other car, getting that house, getting that bigger house, meeting the backstabbers, suck ups and pretend friends in that long drawn out process.

I've resolved to inject a large dose of adventure into my life. So I'm going to take a two year break and go travelling. Don't be dumb, of course I'm not going to do that. I'm from Singapore. Nobody takes a long break to go travelling! I'll think of something. In the meantime, I offered to take the Maori's around Singapore.

The Malaysian horror flick "Don't Look Back" is dreadful. Dreadful boring scenes. Dreadful unscary ghosts. Dreadful unscary scare tactics. Dreadful absence of cinematics. Dreadful absence of acting.

Cf post of May 14th.

Today I was at fitness first again, and there was this crunching noise coming from behind a workout towel. It was the curry puff woman again, this time eating curry puffs while holding up a towel to hide the act.

Student: My lecturer gave me his tits.

Me: WHAT?

Student: You don't know tits? Like what to study for exam.

Me: For chrissakes, that's called TIPS. Please know what TITs and TIPs are. Because both are important in life, for very different reasons. Your friend, the dictionary will enlighten you.

I note from the Straits Times that neighbourhood schools exhibit less elitism.

I came from a neighbourhood school. This is the conversation I had with some neighbourhood school friends:

Me: hey 10 year secondary school reunion coming up!

Friend 1: Yeah. Oh did you know, V is with Goldman Sachs, R is with Deutsche bank, blah is at NYU doing masters in law, blah 2 graduated first class, now with Pricewaterhouse ...

Me: Damn I'm only a poor lawyer to be.

Friend 2: Yeah, I'm poorer, I'm going to be working with the ministry of trade. I think I should just stay away from the reunion.

* * *

Neighbourhood school non -elitism my foot.

Went to the night safari with some foreign friends.

The tram commentary was damn bad - the woman put on this fake breathless tone throughout. Think porn.

"On the right you will see the horned pigs. You may think they are ugly but they are sexxx(deep breath)xxy."

Me: Oh btw, blah got married.

Friend: God makes pairs. There's one to complement everyone.

* * *

Me: How's the xbox?

Friend: In the box.

Date: 14th May 2007.

Time: 0700 HRS.

Location: Fitness First AMK Hub.

Observation: Woman in workout attire eating two Old Chang Kee Curry Puffs under the Fitness First slogan "Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going."

I saw this on a senior's blog:

In response to his blog post on where to go for a holiday, someone commented:

"Chengdu! ... Above all, prices in Chengdu are really low compared with Beijing and Shanghai with everything no worse!

Have a nice journey!

btw, could you please offer me some advice on the NUS law admission interview and test? I'd really appreciate it if you send me some detailed information to xxxxxxx@sina.com and/or xxxxxxx@sina.com . Thanks a lot!"

I saw this girl carrying a bag with three stripes across it. And in bold letters: ABIDAS.

Overheard at a function:

Stranger to another stranger: Why are you wearing this!?! You look weird, Amish, /like you're attending a funeral / possibly satanic.

Friend: Have you seen spidey?

Me: No.

Friend: Don't watch it. It was simply like a hindhi movie..with the songs..dance..etc etc..
bollywood would be proud of it.. Plus the love triangle!

Ok I have re acquainted myself with the BIG TV. Played XBox until it got spoilt and it feels GREAT throwing away stuff. I just threw away my Companies Act. YEAAAHHHH! On second thoughts, maybe I should just get the karang guni man to come and clear my room for me. After he gets all of the stuff he probably can take a few days off.

I'm feeling great. Slept off the exhaustion from consecutive overnight cramming and the reality of being done with law school is just sinking in.

In my pre-exam (better understood as blog reading addiction) period, I came across blogs of friends who had finished earlier, and there were those who spoke of being so attached to school they kissed the door jams of the classrooms they studied in, and there were those who spoke of waiting for people to fade out of their lives. But there was this one entry that I found especially poignant, so I shall reproduce it here.

* * *

Roughly translated as: "Orange Days: The Unforgettable days of our youth"

4 years comes to an end with a stroke of my pen as [The prof] says "Time's up". This time, unlike the "O"s, nor the "A"s, we did not shuffle out of the hall giving each other congratulatory slaps on the back, as not everyone could share our joy. The maudlin tinge of unsettlement hits... this unsettling feeling of, "This is it? What now?" just overstays its due, but yet, I recognize that this should merely be fleeting, that after our orange days, we have already discovered who we want to be in our lives.

And again, we go our separate ways. Separate grad trips, separate firms, separate companies, separate futures. We make our own destinies in life, and it may or may not include the people that we have came to depend upon. I have come to accept that, slowly but surely.

It's over.

I went to Orchard for the first time in god knows how long with a friend after today's paper.

Friend: why were you staring so hard at that couple?

Me: Oh I thought the girl was a former classmate of mine.

Friend (shooting me an incredulous look, and speaking in a tone that screams CANNOTMAKEIT!): Are you sure? The way she's dressed looks like she hasn't been to Orchard before.

Me: . . .

* * *

Fuck better get back to work. I need to study 4 credits worth of stuff in under 10 hours for the paper tomorrow.

MSN nick of a friend: A Laborious Labour Day.