There is a secretary in the firm who is selling her wares. Her wares are these homemade lunar new year cookies that are really, well, very homemade indeed. They are being sold at a very homely price of S$16 per recycled coffee powder jar. Pieces of homely joy in a recycled coffee powder jar.

Homely secretary then proceeds to email spam everyone repeatedly with her homeliness and all the wholesome goodness that entails.

Whoever said the office wasn't homely?

Friend: blah blah blah

Me: You actually have common sense.

Friend: Can you stop constructing sentences in that way.

Me: Surprisingly, you have common sense!

* * *

Well sadly, I can't say that everyone has common sense.


Like the counterparty who marked up comments on my blackline document using a combination of track changes, blackline colours and in black. I saved the document as "no integrity".

Thank you for your email.

I am away from the office and will be returning on Monday, 5 January 2009.

Please contact me on my mobile at **** **** for urgent enquiries.

Have a Happy New Year.

* * *

The above is called an out of office message. Which is a polite way of saying I am not around and please don't call me. You aren't actually supposed to call the number. They should teach these things in school.

We get a lot of irrelevant administrative emails.

Friend (who proceeds to forward me said irrelevant administrative emails): Is this the sender you have an auto delete rule for?

Me: Yes. The same rule applies to you too. But don't worry, I check my deleted items folder occasionally.

Friend: B****

I am actually glad for those cold callers from credit card companies. I no longer hang up on them like I used to because now, I actually have money to spend and more importantly, they are the only polite callers on the office line that aren't demanding me to do something send something say something ASAP.

Friend to me in Orchard: No one will believe you if you told them you were a lawyer - you're in flip flops, T shirt and berms. They'll think the bag you're holding was stolen from somewhere.

There have been so many blog worthy incidents but none disclosable on confidentiality grounds.

A: Hey can you pass me the Trustees Act, I would like to learn about unit trusts.

B: That's like looking for lunch company in the Companies Act.

So envious! A travel calendar just appeared in X’s folder…she’s going for 3 wks.

And the partners have redlined it.

Return on 13 April AS FAST AS POSSIBLE

A: My pupilmaster has tasked me to do due diligence ("DD"). It sounds slightly exciting, the Managing Partner is involved [in the project]!

B: If the Managing Partner is involved, it's not called DD. It's called AD.
ABSOLUTE DILIGENCE.

Overheard:

A: Z is so incompetent, did he get a second upper honours?

B: Yes, from Nottingham University.

A: In what? Archery and merry making?

When you are in Financial services...

A: Hey want to go diving?

B: Sure! How about Cayman Islands?

A's email: We have a lot of food outside the boardroom. Pls help yourselves.

B's email to C, D and E: FOOD ALERT!

C's email: Can someone suss out the quality?

D's email: Why is there food. Let's send someone to grab it and distribute it NOW

E's email: I just came back from a lovely lunch...but I might pop around to
investigate this situation.

In the news.

A bikini model has been cleared of wrecking her ex-boyfriend's apartment after the court held that her chest was sufficiently large to preclude her from crawling in through a hole in the door. "I used to hate my body" said Serena Kozakura, "but it was my breasts that won in court".

Somewhere in Singapore, Mas Selamat, a terrorist, escapes from his detention facility.

Meanwhile, in an office somewhere else in Singapore...

A: "Hey I hear the team lunch is going to be Indonesian."

B: "NO! The [No. 2 Boss is buying] lunch so HOW can it be Indonesian??"

A: "Indonesian can be atas* too what."

B: "The most atas it gets is going to be…what, House of Sundanese?"

A: "Oh shit, cannot whack** already!"

C: "I hear it’s going to be at the Rice Table. Cos it’s owned by [anonymous partner's] friend."

A: "Oh no, damn cheapo! How can [anonymous partner] arrange this? She herself doesn’t even eat anywhere with less than 4.5 stars of atasness!"

B: "Ok, I will do EVERYTHING in my power to stop this. You, go and book up the whole of Rice Table. Every single branch! For a corporate function or wedding I don’t care.
And you, go and pretend to have food poisoning.
Somebody also tell her that we can’t eat Indonesian cos that’s probably where Mas Selamat would go for lunch."



*atas - high class
** whack - chalk up an exorbitant sum

A: I believe in putting in reasonable effort for reasonable results, that's why I'm a banker.

B: I put in maximum effort for maximum results.

A: That's why you're a lawyer.

C: I put in minimum effort for maximum results.

A: Then why are you working. Just marry a rich woman!

Got this off Skadden Insider and had a good laugh so thought I'll share it:

We're sad to see that Skadden's former summer associate celebrity, Jonas Blank, has left the firm. You'll remember Jonas (Duke undergrad, Harvard Law) from the summer of 2003 when he mistakenly sent an e-mail meant for his friend Melissa to an in-house distribution list of about 40 attorneys. To refresh your recollection:

“I’m busy doing jack shit. Went to a nice 2hr sushi lunch today at Sushi Zen. Nice place. Spent the rest of the day typing e-mails and bullshitting with people.” Jonas did, unfortunately, have a bit of work to take care of (corporate-finance deal; yawn), so he needed to “peruse these materials and not be a fuckup.” But he couldn’t complain; he was, after all, a summer associate. He signed off, “So yeah, Corporate Love hasn’t worn off yet… . But just give me time.”

Of course the e-mail was forwarded (quickly) and it made the rounds through the legal community. Skadden thought of scolding those of us who sent it on to friends outside the firm until they realized that some partners had done it as well. Jonas quickly sent an apology (with a spelling error in it) and forever more became part of big firm summer associate lore.

The e-mail of course didn't affect his career with Skadden. He was offered a job and spent a few years at the firm. But on March 23, 2007, he left. Sometime in April he starts as an associate at Richards, Kibbe & Orbe in New York.

Good luck Jonas.

Update:

We forgot to mention what Jonas wrote in his farewell e-mail: "This has been an experience I will never forget. Thank you to everyone who made it possible."

Oh Jonas, you made it a pretty interesting experience all by yourself.

Thanks to T for this.

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life dilbert-type managers.

Here are the top ten finalists:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant manager, Delco Corporation)

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
(Hallmark Cards Executive)

Friend: It's ironic. Project 'Holiday' coincided with both Christmas and Chinese New Year.

Chinese New Year Visits

Friend (who is a pupil in a law firm): ...anyway a lot of relatives think I earn 10K a month.

Friend: that's so WTF!!!

Me: Hey I want to pick up something new, like learn Cantonese. Want to learn together?

Friend: We can learn about the Securities and Futures Act and listing manual together.

The Chinese New Year post.

WongP pupil: We have a Lo Hei* session.

Me: Oh we have one too.

WongP pupil: Oh yah, [your firm] very atas one lah... you all will have whale or arrowana for Lo Hei.

Friend, whom I subsequently related the conversation to: Lol! you should have told them "lucky you’re not tossing guppies and ikan bilis, like (insert cannot-make-it firm)”

*For foreign readers, Lo Hei is defined here.

Hearsay on the subject of the bar exam results

"My mentor was like “Hmmm?! Not top 10? How about top 20? No? Any prize? Any consolation prize? No? Arbitral awards? Hmm? *calls HR*”

Reported by a friend who works in the same building as the Microsoft people:

People from Microsoft were in the lift with me when there was an error with channelnewsasia in the lift television and you could see the underlying Windows shell.

MS person 1: “they’re still using XP and not vista”

MS person 2: “…I think we need to talk to somebody in marketing.”

Me: Hey I'll be attending a client meeting at the time the bar results are announced. Could you check mine and tell me if I passed?

Friend: Yes. I'll tell you if you've passed. And the additional news too... I hope I'm not the additional news.

Overheard:

"I'm in a rush to see the fortune-teller I fixed an appointment with 3 months ago to ask if I should leave practice."

Another day, another law firm website.

"We are a team of ten lawyers in Sofia plus five associates across the country and we do not intend to grow bigger just for the sake of looking western. One has to remember the Columbus rule that he who goes too far to the west will turn up in the east. But we think we are capable of putting together a larger legal task force of top free lancers on specific projects."

"From our personal experience we know that a lawyer is made not when a bar exam is passed or a directory is entered but when he overcomes the first professional humiliation and with a fierce indignation wins the case in the appeal instance. In the fire of that indignation a new lawyer is born. To achieve this he should not be afraid to call things by their own names and should have the courage of the Little Red Riding Hood saying : “This long-teeth creature in the bed is not my grand mother”."

"It should be very clear to those who would use our services that we have not recently dined with a minister and we can demonstrate no familiarity with a top magistrate."

"The world used to work differently, where people respected other people's weekends."

Emails

A: Can you see my partner?

B: He's not in my room.

Moments later...

B: Oh you mean he wants me to see him???

I received an email from a friend which featured the signoff

"XXXXX & XXXX LLP
Transnational Legal Solutions"

I didn't know what Transnational Legal Solutions meant.

Another friend hazarded a guess:

"If transsexual means to change your sexuality, transnational must mean
to change your nationality. A transnational legal solution would be a
solution that allows you to change nationality.

Immigration law practice?"

Quote of the hour

"Unlike law, banking is less dependent on what credentials you have and more dependent on whether the people that interviewed you like your personality, willingness to work like a dog and ability to kiss ass."

Wong Partnership, supposedly one of the top law firms in Singapore, has converted to a limited liability partnership.

They are now calling themselves "WongPartnership Limited Liability Partnership."

* * *

Overheard: Looks like liability wasn't the only thing that was limited in WongP LLP.

I am excited about 2008.

Me: My Pupil master is really nice. At the lunch he was hosting, he kept asking 'are you full,' / 'please try some of this."

Friend: My pupil master asks me are you a fool / please try to work harder.

Friend: "Are you still using the Macbook or are you using the other thing.. what's it called? Win-doors or something?"

Back at the firm:

Me: I'm going to the printers on the Hari Raya Public Holiday.

Friend: Oh? Are you in charge of Christmas cards now?

Conversation excerpt, courtesy of T:

Pupil Master: The people in [the Financial Services Department] are invincible.

Pupil: Huh why?

Pupil Master: They can’t be killed.

Pupil: huh?

Pupil Master: you cannot kill that which has no life.

"...Lawyers get struck off the roll. Judges don't get struck off. The correct verb is 'flicked.' He got 'flicked off the bench.'

And for Rajah lawyers, cos [the Firm is] so collegiate the word is 'PUNK'D..."

- Anonymous.

I was reading some Law website and they had this recruitment banner: "SECOND TIER FIRM hiring..."

The day before the Commercial Practice Paper.

Friend: How's revision? I just came back from a wake. I'm so dead.

My friend sent an email to his pupil master at the firm just to say hi.

The reply was: ... It's a busy time at the firm but there are good things to look forward to in life, like the festive season, and the return of the pupils.

Civ Pro notes are damn long. So I tried to do a contents page to make referring easier in the exam hall. But now I need to do a contents page to the contents page because the latter is 40 pages long. WTF.

Inane phone conversation.

Friend: Hi! How's the going?

Me: Still studying [for the bar commencing MONDAY].

Friend: I just bought a new phone with CRYSTAL TALK!!! So I'm calling you to test it out.

Me: Yes, you sound very clear.

Friend: Ok, now I'm going to switch on the radio, and you listen out and tell me if you can hear me over the radio.

*Friend blasts radio into the phone and resumes talking.

Me: wow you sound like a radio DJ !

It's shocking. The Straits Times reported that the MDA video (see last post) is popular because of the number of hits it had, though of course, it probably received lots of hits because it is so bad. Do check out the terrible AND ungrammatical lyrics. E.g.

"These are the strength for the new challenge..."

Ridiculously bad media by the Media Development Authority of Singapore. See it for yourself here.

Excerpt from a tragic farewell email:

"This is not goodbye from me but a great big thank you to those of you who has made my time at [the Firm] such a personally satisfying experience."

"PSLE CHEATING CASE" - screams the New Paper.

For foreign readers, PSLE is an acronym for Primary School Leaving Examination, which is the first national exam all Singaporean students take.

Turns out some school teacher corrected his students' answers after they submitted their PSLE scripts, but before they were locked up and sent for centralised marking.

In different ink.

And with no attempt at harmonizing handwriting.

Cheating is bad. But this is worse. It's bad and STUPID.

See right, I'm on marathon mugging mode for the bar exams and I get this SMS from Bongs, who is in the Maldives:

"...Howz the mugging? Am in a sunset bar on the reef on an island having a strawberry juice!"

Friend: Having muggers which are too long to flip and find stuff in the exam is the least of my worries.

Me: Yes. Some people don't even have muggers.

Friend: How can people be so unresourceful after 4 years of law school?

A friend has brought to my attention that the blog which features the unfortunate excerpt (see previous post) gets more tragic. Like this:

"Ytd I went to cut hair. And dye. In a salon. Named SuperCuts. Which also cutted my heart because of the money involved..."

People actually write like that:

"Oh me goosh. No wonder my desktop has been so lag. There’s a trojan horse galloping around leaving all the horse dung which clogs my processor."

PLC wasn't meant to be like this. People are online at 5 am. Mugging. Or playing scrabble on facebook.

Me: X moved from reits to ECM.

Friend (who is in CORPORATE REAL ESTATE): Oh reits?

Moments later...

Same friend: What's reits?

Singaporeans are giving fellow Singaporeans a bad name. Randomly surfing some overseas forums, I came across this:

Hi
i am from singpore, i am coming Hong Kong on 2nd jan 2008, i wants room ment share neaer to Shai won m contact me

One man firm launches magnificent website. Ultra-detailed bio, irrelevant pictures (including one of him posing with his BMW) blah blah. View it here.

I was hired to teach GP to a student whose exam is in 10 days.

Me: How did you do for Prelims?

Student: Very good.

Me: Oh. A2?

Student: No. I got 48.

Me: How is that good?

Student: Good enough to sign on police.

Me: Policemen also need to write reports. So you still need good English!

[after going through his work]

Me: And I don't think you'll be able to fire guns well as a policeman if your writing is anything to go by. Everything off target.

A good break from the monotony of work on a Monday morning: Read this.

And check out the slideshow too!

Friend: Hey, I know you're always very resourceful so here goes: you got any useful precedents for com prac assignment?

If I just WRITE my Memorandum of Understanding, it's going to be pulling clauses out of my ass again. And we all know how well that goes.

I would like to invite everyone to join the Lord Denning (M.R.) Appreciation Society Group on Facebook. It's priceless stuff.

The following comments were posted on the group page:

1. "He did not have the nice Swiss cakes which he was hoping for. The only cakes for tea were potato crisps and little dry nut cakes." Jarvis v. Swans Tours Ltd. [1973] Q.B. 233 (C.A.)"

2. Oh, what the hey, one for the road...

"Broadchalke is one of the most pleasing villages in England. Old Herbert Bundy, the defendant, was a farmer there. His home was at Yew Tree Farm. It went back for 300 years. His family had been there for generations. It was his only asset. But he did a very foolish thing. He mortgaged it to the bank."
- Lloyds Bank v. Bundy [1973] 3 All ER 757

3. [Denning] gave a dinner speech at an Australian law school. Just as he was about to begin someone threw a dinner roll across the hall. And his opening line was: "Ah, a fitting welcome for the Master of the Rolls."

4. My contract exam is in an hour. Can anyone tell me what is estoppel?

5. Favourite quote: "In summertime village cricket is the delight of everyone. Nearly every village has its own cricket field where the young men play and the old men watch. In the village of Lintz in County Durham they have their own ground, where they have played these last 70 years. They tend it well. The wicket area is well rolled and mown. The outfield is kept short . . . [y]et now after these 70 years a judge of the High Court has ordered that they must not play there anymore . . . [h]e has done it at the instance of a newcomer who is no lover of cricket.
This newcomer has built . . . a house on the edge of the cricket ground which four years ago was a field where cattle grazed. The animals did not mind the cricket."

6. If everyone wrote like Denning I'd still be a lawyer...Jarvis v Swans Tours forever.

Some random acquaintance asked me about the graduate law degree program at NUS.

A: Would I benefit from the ministry of education tuition subsidy since this would be my second degree?

Me: I'm not sure, I can check.

A: Please do.

Me, 10 minutes later: Ok I've checked, yes you will. The subsidy is available for law as a second degree, since it falls under a special exception to the general rule that the subsidy is only available to Singaporeans pursuing their first degree.

A: Oh ok, that's what I read on the website lalala.

Me: If that's what you read, why the hell did you ask me?

A: Can you tell me how's law school work like?

Me: It involves reading materials, and using common sense to make sense of them. You should consider very carefully before applying.

I have a very earnest conveyancing tutor whom my friend calls "kindergarten-like" in the sense of " Oh look! A bird! HAPPY!"

I think she has very good comic timing.

Yesterday, she asked us very earnestly:

"So, which of you are going to open your own law firm?"

And without missing a beat:

"and which of you are going to open a chocolate shop?"

Then she laughed insanely.

There have been three official amendments to the commercial practice assignment question.

The third (and most recent) amendment was "please note that para 5 should read BOTH MEMORANDUMS and not memorandum."

* * *

May I pre-empt the fourth change: It should be both fucking memoranda and not memorandums.

Me: Hey what's this pre trial thing for the practical law course we are supposed to do?

Senior: Oh it's nothing. Just ensure you have a pre-pretrial discussion with the opposing counsel. You will be ok.

Received this in the mail today:

Dear Students

Please note the following changes:

COMMERCIAL PRACTICE CASE-STUDY

On Page 3, Part B, “The principle agreements that has to be
drafted.” should read “The principle agreements that have to be
drafted.”

and

“Discuss the various points at which announcements has to be
issued by Company A to SGX.” should read “Discuss the various
points at which announcements have to be issued by Company
A to SGX.”

* * *

Unfortunately there are so many more grammatical errors that the board has yet to identify. (*^%!

Discussing careers...

Friend: Maybe I want to quit law and be a facilitator in a polytechnic! Teach 2 days a week, earn $3,500 a month!

Me: Then why on earth did you get a law degree to begin with! You could have gotten some 3 year easy qualification.

Friend: I want something slack. Don't need to use brains. Maybe an art teacher!

Me: You still need to use your brains and be creative.

Friend: There are only so many ways to draw a tree.

Having run out of blogs to read, I decided to read law firm websites. They are quite puzzling.

Take for example law firm X, which actually puts up profiles of everyone from the Managing partner to paralegals.

Paralegal Y's profile was:

Y’s main areas of experience are in commercial and property transactions, commercial litigation and workplace relations. Y has extensive experience in the property sales and purchases ... Y enjoys spending time with his family, team sports and eating (including durian).

* * *

Eating (including durian) ?!?!

* * *

Paralegal Z's profile was:

Prior to joining [the firm], Z was working as an in-house counsel in a listed company in Singapore. He has also worked in the civil service, a foreign bank as well as non-governmental organizations handling consumers’ matters as well as manpower issues.

It has been a great time working in this firm since the day I joined. Although this is the first time that I am working in a law firm, the Directors and the Associates are always there to offer their support and guidance. The staff are also very helpful whenever I approach them.

All in all, it has been a very enjoyable and meaningful time for me working in this firm.

* * *

Yes, all that was on paralegal Z's 'profile,' unfortunately.

Friend: I'm going to sleep.

Me: So early? You sound unwell.

Friend: How can I be well when they pay us peanuts [during PLC]? I lack the vitamins of a caviar and premium sushi diet.

Me: Are we supposed to rely on common sense to do Professional Responsibility questions? Cos that's what I've been doing.

Senior: Technically yes, though in your case maybe you shouldn't rely on that.

Friend: I've allocated the tutorial questions already.

Me: Thanks, you've been doing a great job.

Friend: I was born to be a secretary.

The BBC was reporting on the Burmese protests.

Me: I didn't know they had so many monks in Burma.

Friend: When you don't have luxuries of life, why not embrace a lifestyle where you don't need luxuries of life, and yet can still attain Nirvana?

Practical law course lecture:

"Preparation of witnesses is a grey area. Some witnesses are so smart you don't need to prepare them. Some are so stupid there's no point preparing them."

In Civil Procedure class, we need to pretend to be lawyers, give ourselves a law firm name and run a simulated file.

Friend: Uh my opponent is from Truth and Justice LLC. Doesn't sound like it makes money.

Another "legal" MTV. Tort law back here.

Lord Atkins on Donoghue v Stevenson, MTV style. Totally worth checking out here. (Audio required)

Gotta love the part where he goes "Hundred billion legal fees thanks to Ginger Beer" and "I founded modern negligence! I founded modern negligence!"

Just got back from Bangkok. Seriously fun. Most memorable phrase:

" You want to buy friend? PAY NOW!"

Six years ago on Sept 12 . . .

I was lying on a very lousy bunk bed in the school of military intelligence, trying to memorise pictures of tanks while listening to a sony radio receiver to perfect 10 when the radio broadcast was interrupted with news of the terrorist attack.

Six years on, I'm still wasting my time, this time doing law tutorials. The radio is still filled with terrorist attack stuff.

Some things don't change.

In the mail

"Found $5 on the financial services floor. If you lost it, come claim it."

Family law tutorial, practical law course.

Tutor: Ok let's start with the hypothetical. Hmm it says woman from China. KEEP YOUR MINDS OPEN GUYS. *wink* Oh practical tip, wash your hands after dealing with them.

Soundbytes from the last edu dine:

Me: Why did u leave D*** ?

Lawyer: It was like Ginza Plaza.

* * *

Friend to Lawyer: How did the board of legal education get you to come and attend edu dine?

Lawyer: You know when you skip PLC classes, they record it down, and get you to come for this.

* * *

Friend: the dessert tastes like what would happen if stuff from the body shop was made into the dessert.

Lawyer: Really. I thought the dessert tasted more like those free soap at public toilets.

I'm really not amused with this thing called criminal procedure case management. What happens is this, they give you a fact pattern, some vague instructions along the lines of "do whatever you deem fit" and BINGO! next minute award you an F. And then they tell you what you should have done.

It doesn't help that my tutor is one of the rare few STILL AWARDING Fs, while others adopt a more friendly "since you know shit and were taught nothing the minimum grade we will give is a pass" policy.

It's been a while since I've had such a lazy afternoon. Brilliant weather, Travis on Itunes and all work obligations thrown to the wind. Reminds me of more carefree Scandinavian days.

Friend 1: Bata is NOT a Singapore company.

Me: I don't believe you.

Friend 1: Wiki it.

Me: Ok you win.

* * *

Me to Friend 2: Did you know Bata is not a Singapore establishment? It's Czech!

Friend 2: Yeah I know. But I don't know how it became so cheap skate.

We had this negotiation exercise yesterday. The other side wanted exclusive IP rights.

My negotiation partner: Yes, you can have exclusive IP rights. But they must be registered in China.

Me: Are we supposed to rely on common sense to answer Professional Responsibility questions? Cos that's what I've been doing.

Senior: Technically yes, though in your case maybe you shouldn't rely on that.

I don't know what to think of this.

X from Arriter (a tuition agency) called me up three times on Monday to offer the same tuition assignment, and to be rejected with the same reason "No, I'm too busy for any more tuition assignments."

The next day, Y from Arriter calls me up four times asking me to take up the same assignment. I said no I'm busy, please stop calling me.

Today X calls me up and we had this conversation:

X: "the last time you rejected an assignment bec it was far from your place, now this is near your place why are you not accepting?"
Me: "I've already told your agency many times, I'm busy and I can't take on any more assignments."
X: "What is your phone no?"
Me: "Are you stupid? It's the number you just reached me on."
X: "So are you accepting the assignment?"
Me: "Can you stop being a tuition terrorist?"

Overheard at the sub courts waiting area:

Do you know why X joined law firm A instead of RnT?

Because she's so big that she can't participate in group hugs at RnT.

My friend while driving: That *&^%$#^ MALAY DRIVER!

Me: That's a Chinese guy behind tinted windows.

This is how the guest speaker at edu dine was introduced:

"He started off his career at Drew and Napier, a mistake which we have all since forgiven him for."

* * *

On an unrelated note, I want to go to Japan and Yemen, in addition to Maldives for call break. Die.

I'm irked. Sorry if I chewed you up.

Practical Law Course Lecturer:

On family law:

"Sex is an administrative matter."

"you can get specially authorised to get married below 18 years of age. Usually one party is pregnant. Or it could be some other reason, like love or something."

I read with interest the Sunday Times Lifestyle article on this year's National Day theme song making no mention of Singapore.

Some people interviewed said it's only obvious it refers to Singapore.

I think the only obvious thing has not been picked up.

Stanza 4 of "There's No Place I'd Rather Be"

This is where my family
And my friends grew up with me
So I'll cross the skies and sail the seas
To be where I wanna be.

* * *

Is it just me or does this mean that the place I'd rather be is NOT Singapore?

A friend sent me this headhunter website which brands itself as one of the leading financial recruitment firms operating in Singapore.

"Our team is arguably THE most experienced of its type in Singapore."

On the position for head of compliance, private banking:

" You will be commercial in your approach and possess strong communication, presentation, presentation, influencing and relationship building skills."

On the position for AVP Finance manager:

"You have analytical, with an eye for detail and has good problem solving skills. You have strong interpersonal skills and dynamic team player. "

* * *

Me to friend: You must be mad if you are letting these people handle your career switch.

For those who missed the National Day Parade:

Commentator: And here comes SING! (some skater dressed in red). SING REPRESENTS SINGAPORE!

* * *

Moments later, SING falls down.

Lunch with an atas friend.

"Hong Lim is one of the few hawker centers with a good collection of authentic hawker food..."

"Yes, though I thought the chocolate fountain at The Line was quite authentic!"

Student: I fell sad.

Me: Incorrect. What should it be?

Student: I felling sad?

This year's NDP parade was like a very odd LIVE EARTH concert.

I was in a school office and was idly flipping the annual school magazine, when I saw this:

IT

We have
- one fully equipped PC lab
- one fully equipped macintosh lab
- two half equipped IT labs.